You And Your Heart
On one particularly taxing day of shepherding and training our young children I revealed that I had exceeded the bounds of my manmade patience when I asked one of them in exasperation over her act of disobedience, “Why did you do that?!”
My wife was in the room and as I finished the question I glanced in her direction just in time to see her roll her eyes over my comment and to hear her quietly say, “She did it for the same reason you do the things you do.” And the implication was clear—my daughter and I both have a propensity to operate out of the flesh, fulfilling sinful desires.
Desires. When shaped by the truth of God, desires are to our benefit as they lead us to godly and wise actions. And they are to our detriment when they are shaped by the flesh and to ungodly and foolish actions.
What do you want? When you counsel a sufferer, what do you want? When you train your children, what do you want? When you disciple an immature believer, what do you want? When you care for souls in various states of need (1 Thessalonians 5:14), what do you want? Does what you want really matter? Are our motives really important?
The wise man, Solomon, unequivocally tells his son that being attentive to his desires and heart is essential:
Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life. (Proverbs 4:23 NASB)
The words are familiar to biblical counselors. Don’t let the familiarity of them cause you to overlook the importance of the meaning for your own heart. Let this Word administer wisdom to your own heart, before you seek to administer it to the heart of your counselee (Ezra 7:10).
Be on Guard
The word “watch” is used variously in the Old Testament. It is used of watching over and guarding a vineyard or fortress (protecting something from outside—Nahum 2:2) and of guarding one’s lips, tongue, and speech from untoward language (Proverbs 13:3; Psalm 34:13). It is also used of “protecting” obedience to God and “keeping” His attributes, making sure one’s actions are in accord with His revealed will (Psalm 119:115; Proverbs 3:1; 6:20). It is also used of God’s work in protecting His people (Psalm 32:7; 140:1, 4; Isaiah 42:6; 49:8).
The word thus denotes a vigilance and commitment to watch and be attentive to the nature of one’s life—to keep away from or out of evil and to stay in fellowship and obedience with God.
The word is a command, denoting that this is non-negotiable. It is imperative that God’s people be attentive to their spiritual condition. And because it is commanded, this suggests that it is not natural for one to do. God commands it because like children who need to be told not to eat cookies before dinner, our hearts tend toward self-indulgence and lack of discipline.
As you counsel others about their lives and hearts, are you being attentive to your own heart first? Are you paying attention to your own life and teaching before you teach others about their lives (1 Timothy 4:16)? Are you feeding your own soul on biblical corporate worship on a weekly basis? Are you examining the direction of your life (and the sources of the direction you are headed)?
Be on Guard for Your Desires
Solomon also is specific about what must be watched—“your heart.” The heart represents the inner man—it is the seat of our emotions and will, the place where we decide what we want and what we will do with that desire. Notice that he doesn’t say “watch what you eat,” or “where you go,” or “what you say,” or “where you work,” or “what friends you make.” All those things are important (and he will speak to all those particulars in the book). But what is most important is what drives all those activities: the heart. Our desires. Our longings. Our motives.
He says that because the heart is “the well spring of life”—all of our activities originate in the heart (Proverbs 16:9; 23:19; Mk. 7:18–23). The heart—and its passions and desires—determines the course of our lives.
Watch out for what you want. And be attentive to how the things that you do are shaping the desires of your heart. Our heart directs our activities. And our repeated activities will shape the longings of our hearts.
Scripture is especially attentive to this theme of being attentive to our heart desires:
“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.” (Matthew 5:8)
“. . . for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:21)
“. . . this people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far away from Me.” (Matthew. 15:8)
“But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile the man. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders.” (Matthew 15:18–19)
“And He said to him, ‘you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’” (Matthew 22:37)
Luke 6:45: “The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.
We cannot be too attentive to our hearts for “From the state of a man’s heart proceed the conditions of his life; his thoughts blossom into deeds and his deeds bear the fruitage of character and destiny.” (Erwin Lutzer)
As you go to care for the souls of others, are you attentive to your own soul? Are you attentive to the motives of your own sinful acts and inclinations? Are you watching for wayward motives in serving others?
The Difficulty of Guarding
Because of the importance of guarding our hearts, Solomon says that guarding should be done “with all diligence.” “Diligence” is a word taken from a war or jail context—it means to watch over one who is in custody. While a different word from the imperative “watch” that he has already used, Solomon uses the words in tandem to intensify the significance of being attentive. The sense is something like, “watch with watchfulness,” or “guard with intentionality.”
Solomon stresses the necessity of diligent watching because we are prone to not be diligent to be watchful. Like the disciples on the night of Christ’s betrayal, we are prone to fall asleep when vigilant attention is needed. We are prone to excusing our sins and our ungodly inclinations of heart. We are prone to wander while asserting that we are walking the narrow road of obedience.
It's hard to guard our hearts. It’s hard to be watchful over our souls. And because it is hard, we must be even more attentive to the task. Because it is hard, we need to be watchful for temptations to give up, relent, and indulge fleshly inclinations.
Because of the importance and difficulty of watching, Kris Lundgaard has exhorted, “We guard most closely what we most treasure. . . . Of all you guard, says Solomon, guard nothing with the care and strength that you guard your affections. Once your heart latches onto something, you will not be able to stop your will from consenting to it. To protect your affections, you need to be careful of two things: the object of your affections, and the vigor of your affections.” (The Enemy Within)
Are you regularly (daily? hourly?) on guard for your heart desires? Are you fighting for godly desires at every inclination away from obedience? Are you more concerned for your own heart than the people you are helping?
The Importance (and Blessing) of Guarding
Solomon is so vigorous for attention to the heart because everything one does flows from heart desires—from our hearts “flow the springs of life.” Everything we do is a reflection of what we want. Every dollar we spend, every word we speak, every tone of every word, every place we go, every entertainment we pursue, every relationship we build, every way we serve reflects our desires.
Desires matter. How we speak to ourselves in moments of quiet matters. What music we listen to matters. What books and blogs we read matters. What “eye candy” captures our attention matters. These all both reveal and shape our desires.
And when we guard our hearts well, wise living is the result, and blessing is received. Godly desires and wise living are partners—and they produce “life” and “health” (Proverbs 4:22). Rejection of ungodly desires and actions produces stability in life (Proverbs 4:26). It’s discretion to let your heart be shaped by wisdom (Proverbs 5:1–2).
Guarding the heart is hard work.
Guarding the heart is blessed work. It leads to real life.
In your role as a counselor, the Lord has positioned you to help others with their struggles and hardships. You are positioned to help them watch their hearts.
But before you help others with their hearts, “watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.”