When Your Loved Ones Won’t Believe
As Christians, our souls know the satisfaction of the Bread of Life and our hearts know the refreshment of Living Water. Through Christ, we live in the peace of being reconciled to God, and we will forever be secure in the unbreakable love of our heavenly Father. But this was not always our experience: “Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy” (1 Peter 2:10).
When we meditate on the bliss of our present life in Christ against the dark backdrop of our former life in sin, we are compelled by compassion to see others experience this great salvation. This is especially true for the loved ones in our lives—those family and friends who have refused to flee to Christ for refuge from God’s wrath. There is an acute ache in our hearts for our loved ones who won’t believe, though they have heard the good news. Some of them have heard the gospel from you multiple times. Some of them have grown up in your devoutly Christian home, with Bible reading at the dinner table each night, and weekly church attendance as long as they can remember.
For these loved ones you have learned that they can’t ride into glory on the coattails of your faith, and so the ache remains. What do you need to remember when a loved one’s unbelief persists?
Don’t Beat Yourself Up
When your loved one won’t believe, there is a tendency toward heaping the blame on yourself: “If only I had shared Christ with him earlier…If only I hadn’t sent her to a secular college…If only I had better answers to her objections…If only I hadn’t let him hang out with that group of friends.”
Perhaps there is some sinful neglect or fear of man you can detect in your heart, but beating yourself up is never the way to address those problems. Confess it to God, believing that “He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Then you need to remember that you are not the Savior. You proclaim Him, you represent Him, you pray to Him, but you are not Him. You cast the seed, but God causes the seed to sprout and grow (Mark 4:26–27). So, remember your place and trust God to use your faithfulness in His way and His time.
Keep Casting Seeds—You Never Know What God Will Use
I know of a young man who came to faith after reading a printed Charles Spurgeon sermon that he found in a stack of papers his parents had in the garage. R.C. Sproul was converted through considering an obscure verse in Ecclesiastes 11: “If a tree falls to the south or to the north, in the place where the tree falls, there it will lie” (v. 3).¹ You never know what God will use as a catalyst to propel a sinner to Christ, so pray for wisdom and keeping looking for opportunities to bring the truth to your loved one.
Show Them the Loveliness of Christ
In our urgent desire to see a loved one saved, we may tend toward talking about the depth of their depravity and the reality of an eternal hell. These things are crucial for them to understand, but let’s not forget to show them Christ. John Newton said, “I am a great sinner, but Christ is a great Savior.”² Our loved ones need to know both sides of that quote. When a sinner repents he must then come to Christ to be saved. If that sinner will come to Christ, he must know who Christ is first. Yes, tell your loved one of the terror of hell, but also tell her of the glory of Christ who “became a curse for us” (Galatians 3:13), who “always lives to make intercession for us” (Hebrews 7:25), and who came from heaven “to seek and save the lost” (Luke 19:10).
Show Them the Joy of a Life Surrendered to Christ
Many unbelievers have a negative perspective when it comes to the thought of living life as a Christian, as if God is a cosmic killjoy. It doesn’t sit well with them to bow to someone else other than themselves. It rubs them the wrong way to think of belonging to God and sacrificing their so-called autonomy. But as you show them your life, you can reflect the truth that obeying Christ’s commands leads to fullness of joy (John 15:10–11), and that hearing and doing God’s Word leads to being “blessed in [your] doing” (James 1:25). You can show them that contentment comes not from favorable circumstances, but from knowing Jesus Christ (Philippians 3:7–8).
Remember, Your Satisfaction is Found in Christ, Not Their Belief³
If we’re not on the alert, the eagerness we have for our loved one’s salvation can easily become something we believe we must have to be happy. When this happens it’s an indication of an idolatrous desire. In Psalm 73, Asaph was envious of the wicked as they experienced ease and prosperity. But at the end of the psalm, after he repents, Asaph’s circumstances haven’t changed. There’s no indication that he is now enjoying the external comfort he so strongly desired previously. Yet, it is obvious that he is content. He is able to say, “For me it is good to be near God” (v. 28). He is settled and satisfied not because circumstantial comfort is near, but because God is near. The same is true for us, regardless of our loved one’s spiritual state. Our satisfaction does not come from their repentance, but from the One who is “[our] portion forever” (v. 26).
When we lament over the unbelief of our loved ones, we reflect the heart of Jesus who wept over Jerusalem (Luke 19:41–44). But let us not forget that His lamentation did not keep Him from His mission of atoning for sin. Similarly, we may grieve over our loved one’s rejection of Christ, but let us remember this counsel so that our grief does not keep us from taking the next steps of faithfulness in front of us.
¹ R.C. Sproul: A Life by Stephen J. Nichols, p. 39.
² https://www.str.org/w/telling-parting-words-john-newton-vs-mr-rogers
³ See Wayward Children by Stuart Scott, chapter 3.
