What Forgiveness Is Not
Christians speak often of forgiveness. We rest in the forgiveness that God provides. Perhaps the second-most-well-known verse in the Bible (behind John 3:16) is 1 John 1:9: “If [when] we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (my emphasis). We are thankful for and dependent upon the forgiveness given to us by God.
And we know that we have a responsibility to forgive one another—after all, that was a primary tenet of Jesus: “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions” (Matthew 6:14–15). Our forgiveness of others reflects whether or not God has forgiven us.
While there is much agreement about the necessity of forgiveness, there is not always agreement about the nature of forgiveness. What does it mean to forgive another?
A careful examination of Jesus’ words in Luke 17:3-10 not only tells us what forgiveness is but also corrects what forgiveness is not.
Forgiveness Is Not a Feeling
Jesus clearly demands that whenever the sinner repents, there is to be a verbalized declaration of forgiveness: “forgive him” (v. 3). Our forgiveness of another is not conditioned on our readiness, desire, or happiness to forgive. Forgiveness is a decisive, commanded action that directs our feelings. We don’t wait until we are inwardly ready to forgive, but we command our hearts to change (so that we can grant forgiveness with integrity) and then we transact forgiveness with the repentant brother. And notice that it is a verbalized declaration with the sinner. He repents (to us) and we forgive (him, directly and audibly). There is an intentional interaction and exchange in granting forgiveness.
That forgiveness is not a feeling is emphasized when Jesus says that forgiveness is also to be granted repeatedly (v. 4; cf. Matthew 18:22). No matter how often the sinner repents (even on the same day!), we always forgive. Why? There is no limit to God’s forgiveness of us, so there is no limit to the extent of the forgiveness we offer those who sin against us. This means that when we repeatedly forgive we are affirming that we are not keeping a record of the sin so we can recall it later. We have immediately and fully released the sinner from the debt incurred by his sin. That’s hard because the flesh will want to first exact some form of personal vengeance. So when we forgive repeatedly, we demonstrate that we are not following those sinful inclinations, but following Jesus’ dictates.
Notice also that forgiveness is a matter of faith, not feelings (vv. 5-6). The response of the disciples is something like, “Help us believe this is right and good and that we can obey.” Forgiveness is contrary to the flesh and there will be times where we may not believe that it is right or good (especially if we are being asked to forgive a fourth occurrence of the same sin in a short time span). Forgiveness is right and good. Always. We must believe and act on that reality.
Finally, Jesus informs us that forgiveness is a matter of obedience, not feelings (vv. 7-10). Slaves of a master do what the master says—whether working in the fields or preparing a meal. Likewise Christian slaves of Christ the Master follow His dictates—in everything. In that sense, when we forgive, we are doing something unremarkable (because it is only what we should do as slaves of Christ).
Forgiveness Is Not Forgetting
Contrary to what is culturally taught and commonly understood, there is no command in Scripture to forget sins. Let me repeat that: there is no command in Scripture to forget sins.
The nature of significant sins is that they will be extraordinarily hard to forget. What we have experienced from the hands of others will be so harsh, or what we have done to others is so lamentable, that though we long for the absence of the memory, it returns to us with light-like speed at times. And the attendant consequences of those sins often reinforce the difficulty of forgetting the sins.
There are also sins that we commit that we do not want to forget because we don’t want to forget the anguish of the soul that accompanied them: that anguish is a protection against returning to that sin. Were we to forget the sin and the burdens that accompanied it, we might return to the sin. In that sense, the memory of the sin is a safeguard for us.
[Aside: While we may not be able to eradicate a memory, we should also be careful not to intentionally meditate on a sin committed against us so as to embitter our hearts in some way. And we should not meditate on our own past sins in a way that produces an internal longing for and even vicarious joy in those sins.]
That we cannot forget our sins is made clear by understanding that the omniscient God does not promise to forget our sins. Instead He promises to not remember our sins (Psalm 103:11-12; Isaiah 38:17; 43:25; Jeremiah 31:34; Micah 7:19). When God forgives sin, He is intentional to not look at the sin, give attention to the sin, identify the person with the sin, or hold the sin against the sinner any longer. Likewise, while the forgiver may not forget the sin, he chooses to purposefully not remember and not dwell on the sin.
Forgiveness Is Not Excusing
We excuse sin by saying things like, “Oh, it’s all right…” “It was nothing…” “Don’t worry about it…”
But excusing sin minimizes the significance of sin and does not take it seriously. It ignores the culpability of guilt (the sinner really is guilty). Instead of excusing sin, we want to use biblical terminology to reconcile. It may be that the person who has been sinned against did not perceive the action or word against him to be sin. In that instance, it will be helpful to say something like, “Thank you for coming to me; I assure you that I did not perceive your words to be sinful against me and I was not harmed by them in any way. However, because you are convinced that you have sinned with your words and are asking for forgiveness, yes, I am happy to forgive you.” Such words do not minimize the nature of sin, and they release the sinner from the conviction of his conscience.
We also need to remember that excusing sin is dishonesty because it calls sin something other than what God calls it (Romans 3:23; 6:23). When God has identified something as sin and poured out His wrath against Christ for it (or against the sinner for eternity in hell), then we dare not say, “It’s nothing.” It is something—and that something is an infinite offense against the triune God.
What Then Is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a decision. Jesus says forgiveness is an action that is intentionally taken (Luke 17:3); the sinned-against person hears/sees the action of repentance and responds by granting forgiveness.
So forgiveness is also a transaction: you give me repentance for your sin and I give you forgiveness; I remove the debt you have incurred by your sin.
We often say that the transaction is expressed in a series of declared promises (we declare it as a transaction so there is no question about whether we have forgiven):
Forgiveness is a promise not to dwell on the incident mentally (we don’t talk to ourselves about it).
Forgiveness is a promise not to bring up the sin again and use it against the other person (we don’t talk about it with the sinner in the sense of holding it against him).
Forgiveness is a promise not to talk to others about the sin (we don’t gossip about it).
Forgiveness is a promise not to let the incident hinder your relationship with the sinner (we promise to work to restore the relationship to what it was prior to the sin).
Yes, as Christians, we love forgiveness. Our life with God is dependent on forgiveness. And our lives with each other are also dependent on our willingness to forgive. Let us just be sure to forgive the way Christ our Savior expects us to forgive, and let us not forgive in the way the world thinks we should forgive.