Honoring God with Your Sexuality—Part 1

A few years ago I preached a series of sermons on marriage and family issues. Near the end of the series, I preached a sermon on a biblical perspective of sexuality from 1 Corinthians 7. And I talked pretty plainly about the topic.

When we got home from church that afternoon, the sermon topic came up and our daughters were pretty quiet about it. So I asked them a couple leading questions, and they stayed quiet. Finally, after more prodding, one of the girls said (rather loudly), “Dad! You can’t talk about that in church!” 

Well, we may be somewhat uncomfortable to talk about these things publicly, yet the Lord is not. He not only wrote Song of Solomon, but He put it in the Bible right there where anyone can read it! And He also put 1 Corinthians 7 in the middle of the New Testament, within reach of anyone who reads it.

While it may make us squirm and feel somewhat uncomfortable, questions about sexuality are one of the primary presenting problems both for singles and for married couples. Even in marriage, sex, misunderstandings about sex, and disappointed expectations about sex are experienced frequently. Those problems reveal multiple ungodly motives for the attentive counselor.

So what does Scripture have to say about this common question? The Corinthian church operated in a culture where sex was commonly practiced outside of marriage. There were also ungodly marital relationships (serial divorce, “marriage” arrangements with slaves, and relationships akin to our common law arrangements). These arrangements produced a slogan that had apparently been quoted in the Corinthian letter to Paul—“it is good for a man not to touch a woman” (v. 1). The idea of abstinence was even being asserted for those who were married. “If angels do not have sexual relationships (Luke 20:35-36), then that’s good for us too” was the idea.

Paul was writing to correct that faulty thinking—external pressures had left the church confused. And in 1 Corinthians 7, he offers five principles to guide both married and unmarried people to renew their thinking about sexuality.

Principle 1: Sex in Marriage is Pure and Holy (1 Corinthians 7:2)

Sexuality was created by God—and called very good—before sin entered the world (Genesis 1:28; 2:24-25). And after sin entered the world, it was still called honorable and good (Proverbs 5:18-19; Hebrews 13:4). In contrast to the Corinthian slogan, Paul writes, “each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband” (v. 2). 

He is re-affirming the creation principle: God created sex to be an honorable thing that a husband and wife can enjoy within the context of their marriage. In fact, since physical intimacy is created by God and commanded by God, sex in marriage is an act of worship that is done for God’s glory (1 Corinthians 10:31). We might say, then, that loving sexual relations in marriage are as holy as praying, reading the Bible, biblical preaching, giving to needs in the body, and teaching a Sunday school class. It might even be said that sexual relations in marriage is a spiritual discipline in that it is an honorable way that we demonstrate our love for Christ, and our submission to Him.

Among believers, sex has become so identified with sin that it might be hard to think of sexuality in this way; but God not only created sex, He also wrote an entire book in the Bible about sex (The Song of Solomon)! Randy Alcorn has rightly said, “God wants sex to be enjoyed so much in marriage that there will be no compulsion to have sex outside of marriage.”

The point of Paul’s assertion in verse two is not only that sexuality in marriage is a good and holy practice, but it is a wise practice designed to help keep us holy (by protecting us against sexual immorality). Sexual intimacy in marriage is a protection for married couples.

Is preservation of purity a legitimate reason to have sex? Yes. (It’s here in the text.) That does not mean that sex is the only reason for marriage—as a divine “escape hatch” for lust. Marriage is much more than that (e.g., Ephesians 5:22ff), but sexual desires do have a legitimate outlet, and to ignore that is to entice one all the more with sexual temptation.

To summarize, with His statement in verse two, God says “NO” to the Corinthian philosophy of verse one and exhorts believers to indulge in a full conjugal life with their mates.

Principle 2: The Primary Goal of the Sexual Relationship is Giving—Providing Sexual Satisfaction for Your Spouse (1 Corinthians 7:3)

In verse three, the word “fulfill” is a command to “give fully, completely, without reluctance, hesitation, or inhibition.” The word “duty” refers to a duty “with the idea of doing good to the other person.” So both husband and wife have a responsibility to graciously and generously give the gift of sexuality to their spouses without hesitation. And that command is the same for both husbands and wives. 

The message of this verse can be summarized in four words: “Don’t deprive your spouse.” Paul means us to understand that sexual intimacy in marriage is not a superfluous extra; it is a mutual (and joyful) obligation. While it is not an “extra” neither is it the main component of marriage; the main priority of marriage is to reflect the union between Christ and the church (Ephesians 5:32-33).

Thus, sexual intimacy in marriage is an expression of selfless giving. We know that the greatest pleasure is in giving (Acts 20:35). Pursuing sexual pleasure through giving is not selfish but is instead part of the joy that comes when one chooses to serve God and honor Him. This kind of gift exemplifies biblical love, which is about giving, and not being selfish (1 Corinthians 13:4-5, cf. 1 John 3:16). We should also note that the giving is genuine giving; giving with the intention of getting is selfish, unloving, and ungodly.

Because sexuality is a gift to your spouse you will give what is meaningful to her or him, not what is meaningful to you. And because sex in marriage is a gift, we should be thankful for the gift whenever it is given. Every sexual aberration and every sexual sin can be traced to a discontentment with and disobedience of these principles. When we are unwilling to serve our mate’s needs ahead of our own, we will cultivate and then indulge a wide variety of fantasies—to the detriment and destruction of our own lives as well as our marriages.