Confronting Your Soul When it Shouts, “That’s Not Fair!”

A toddler’s first word will often be “Momma” or “Dada,” but then I think it’s immediately followed by the sentence, “That’s not fair!” Whether it’s a sibling who got the bigger portion or homework that seems too difficult, children have this phrase ready for quick draw in moments when they feel cheated.

But it’s not just for kids, is it? We adults are also prone to retort, “That’s not fair!” even if only in our hearts because we know how childish it sounds out loud. But keeping it below the surface doesn’t make it any better. What do you need to preach to your soul when you are angrily singing this refrain on the inside?

“Soul, you have not received what you deserve.”

When we ruminate about what we think isn’t fair, we’re usually thinking horizontally, comparing ourselves to other people—“It’s not fair that he gets ___________, when he spends all his time ___________. I’ve been working like a dog, trying to ____________, but all I ever get is _____________.”

This is exactly the way Asaph was thinking in Psalm 73 when he was overcome with envy toward the wicked:

Behold, these are the wicked;

always at ease, they increase in riches.

All in vain have I kept my heart clean

and washed my hands in innocence.

For all the day long I have been stricken

and rebuked every morning (vv. 12–14). 

In this sin, God was mercifully kind to Asaph, reminding him that the wicked are at ease now, but God makes them “fall to ruin” and they are “swept away utterly by terrors” (vv. 18–19). In other words, they will get what they deserve for their wickedness. They will receive judgment, and Asaph will not. But this is not because Asaph doesn’t deserve judgment. The sin he expresses in this psalm conveys that he does. The reason why Asaph will not receive judgment is because God “hold[s] [his] right hand” (v. 23). God could treat Asaph mercifully because his sins would be paid for at Calvary (Romans 3:25–26). 

Asaph’s reality is the same for every Christian. We deserve God’s judgment in hell, but He has heaped that judgment on Christ instead so that we only know His mercy. When our gaze ascends from its horizontal, person-to-person perspective to the vertical, God-to-man perspective of the gospel, how can we murmur, “That’s not fair”? 

“Soul, you can’t see the whole picture.” 

When we determine that something is unfair, we draw that conclusion from embarrassingly little information. It’s like deciding that a painted mural was hideous after viewing it through binoculars from three feet away. We can’t see the whole picture, so we must not make that judgment.

John Piper says, “God is always doing 10,000 things in your life, and you may be aware of three of them.”¹ If you have a burden in your life that someone else does not, you need to trust that God is working in unseen ways for His glory and your good through that burden. Further, circumstantial comfort is only one of myriad blessings that God bestows upon us in this life. What sins might He be preventing? What relationships might He be forging? What spiritual desires might He be strengthening?

How strange and offensive it seemed for Jesus to stay “two days longer in the place where He was” after hearing that Lazarus was ill (John 11:6). But Jesus knew that He would “be glorified through” Lazarus’ fatal sickness (11:4), and that His disciples would grow in their faith as they witnessed His resurrection power (11:15, 42). We must not discount the infinite wisdom, love, and power of God, even in circumstances that appear harsh.

We also must remember that there is much we don’t know about the people we are comparing ourselves to. We don’t know about the secret trials they may be experiencing. We don’t know about the spiritual struggles that weigh them down. We don’t know what God’s plan is for their future. When we are tempted to look at others with an unsettled “curiosity,” we need to again be confronted with Jesus’ words, “What is that to you? You follow me!” (John 21:22).

We don’t see the whole picture, so we need to trust the One who does . . . not only because He sees it, but because He’s the One actively painting it!

“Soul, eternity will prove you wrong.”

We aren’t home yet. None of us has reached eternity. But because God has given us His Word, we can have an eternal mindset. In this broken, sinful existence, we can tell ourselves what will be true for us in heaven and live accordingly now. We can tell ourselves today that in heaven no one will say of this life, “That wasn’t fair!”

The Apostle Paul makes a staggering statement in 2 Corinthians 4:17 that we must not take for granted: “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.” 

In heaven, all that seemed unfair in this life will be recognized as tools in the hands of our God who used it to fashion for us an eternity that is infinitely better than always getting our way on earth. Knowing this, each time we are tempted to moan, “That’s not fair,” we should, instead, preach to our hearts that “the calm will be the better for the storms that we endure.”²

When a child exclaims, “That’s not fair!” a good parent takes the time to address him with the truth he isn’t seeing. We must do the same with our own souls, because the reality is, God is exceedingly more than fair—He’s the God who “lavished upon us” the “riches of His grace” in Christ (Ephesians 1:7–8).

¹ “God is Always Doing Ten Thousand Things In Your Life,” https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/god-is-always-doing-10000-things-in-your-life

² Song – “Christ the Sure and Steady Anchor” by Matt Boswell and Matt Papa.