Book Review—Envy: A Big Problem You Didn’t Know You Had

A Big Problem You Didn’t Know You Had:

A Conversation About Envy with Pastor Mike Fabarez

Envy is a problem. It might be a problem you didn’t even know you had. Yet in a culture dominated by materialism and social media, it's challenging to avoid this growing temptation. In his latest book, Envy: A Big Problem You Didn't Know You Had, Pastor Mike Fabarez diagnoses the problem of envy and its harmful effects on our hearts, relationships, and society. He then explores biblical strategies to guard our hearts from envy’s allure.

I took an evening to ask Pastor Mike why envy is overlooked, how we should define it, and what we can do to combat this sin. (This transcript is a condensed version of our conversation.)

The subtitle of your book is "A Big Problem You Didn't Know You Had." Can you explain why envy is such a major issue that people overlook?

Many of the problems people bring to the counseling office are symptoms of deeper sin issues that go unrecognized. You may have someone struggling with work problems, but the underlying issue is greed. Or someone dealing with pornography addiction, and the solution might seem simple: "Just avoid certain websites and shut down the computer." But the real issue is lust. The same is true with envy.

Envy has rightly been identified as a capital sin at the root of all kinds of other sins. Yet, we often fail to trace the connection between envy and other behaviors like gossip, arguments, resentment, criticism, and even broken relationships. We tend to focus on treating the symptoms without realizing that at the core lies an envious heart. Throughout church history, Christians spent a lot of time talking about this issue, but it seems to have slipped under the radar. I think it's time for us to give it the attention it deserves.

So, yes, it's a problem many people don’t know that they have, but they do know a lot about the symptoms. They just haven't connected the dots to the underlying reason of envy.

What is a biblical definition of envy?

It's helpful to differentiate envy from other sins in the Bible, since people might mistake it for something else. For instance, someone might say, "I really envy that person's voice. They sing so well!" But that's not quite envy. When we consider sins like coveting, that's where it gets more aligned to envy. "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife or anything that belongs to your neighbor" (Exodus 20:17). Coveting is a craving or hankering for something, the feeling that we can't be happy without it. It’s not envy, though it is akin to envy. Envy goes a step further. Envy is when we not only want what someone else has but also harbor resentment toward them for having it. Envy drifts into a relational problem.

Envy is an embittered heart toward someone. It arises when the people close to us have what we want, like a coworker down the hall who has more favor from the boss, a bigger paycheck, or a little bit more hair. You might find yourself inexplicably critical of them, talking negatively behind their back, or even feeling a rift in your relationship. Envy is when we’re embittered toward someone else because they have advantages, gifts, talents, or opportunities that we don’t have but feel we should have. It's that sense of resentment toward them for having what we don’t.

What are the biblical strategies that God would want us to employ to combat this sin?

When you look at the biblical qualities of love, you see quite a bit of what it's not. "Love does not envy" (1 Corinthians 13:4). I often catch myself saying I love the people that I envy. Yet, you can't have biblical love while simultaneously harboring envy toward someone. Real love pushes envy off the table.  

In my own life, I need to see that love leaves no room for envy. I have two sons who became pastors. They're preaching, counseling, and writing, like I do. If they were to outshine me in their ministry, I'd never resent them for it. If my sons were delivering better sermons, growing their churches, and writing acclaimed books, I would rejoice! But when the pastor across town does all that and starts getting some people from my church, suddenly I don’t like it at all. I wouldn't mind if someone left for my son's church, but that other guy? Oh, I've got plenty to say about him over a dinner date with another church couple. "Well, I don't know if you know, but I've heard he's kind of cantankerous offstage.” 

Here's the problem. If someone praises my son’s sermon, I'm not going to add, "You know, he was a bit of a brat at thirteen." The problem arises when it's not my sons excelling, but the pastor across town. I want to start thinking about love as something I extend deeply to everyone in my life, especially those who seem like competition to my own success.

Think about the folks you rub shoulders with in your small group. Can I love them like I love my own kids, even if they're doing better than me? When they got the raise at work? When they're celebrating, "We just bought a house!" and my wife and I have been stuck in an apartment for a decade because I can't afford a house? That's when it gets real tough to genuinely love. We need to pray for God to give us a kind of love toward outsiders that we have toward those inside our own family.

What encouragement would you offer to someone who is fighting the battle of envy?

Sanctification is going to feel like a fight. We must fight this good fight of faith, waging war against the passions battling in our hearts. It's always going to be a battle, but here's the great news about making progress in this fight—it's always going to draw you closer to the Lord.

Unfortunately, we lose perspective on the grace of God. We struggle with envy because we're not seeing God the way we should, and we're not seeing ourselves as stewards of what God has given us, knowing He'll give other people other things. Think of it this way: my life is only what God has given me—I have the brain cells He has given me; I have the talents He has given to me and the opportunities and strength He has given me. To conquer envy, I must look upward and see myself as a steward managing the gifts God's given me. If I see someone else with different gifts, I need to recognize it's ultimately from God, because He's the one giving them those opportunities.

When Jesus tells the parable of the day workers in Matthew 20, he gives the punch line to the envious laborers who thought they got ripped off for receiving an honest day’s wage. “Are you envious because I'm generous with what belongs to me?” If you find yourself pining away for what someone else has and embittering your heart toward them, remember: what you have is what God has given you. If God gave someone else something more, it's God's doing, and He never gives everything equally. Brains, brawn, and beauty are always distributed differently. If there's envy in your heart, you're not in a good place with God. Draw nearer to Him and celebrate the variety of ways He dispenses His grace. 

Keep fighting the good fight, knowing that every step is bringing you into a more contented, joyful relationship with God. Enjoy what you got. You don't have that, but you've got this, and God would have you enjoy it.