Anxious to Counsel?

Are you anxious to counsel others? Should you be? The Scriptures reveal our response should be both “yes” and “no,” depending upon whether our anxiety is righteous or sinful. 

The Scriptures show us that “anxiety” can be righteous or sinful. The Greek word for anxiety in the Bible, μεριμνάω, means troubled with cares, anxious, concern, and most often is translated as worry. As anger can be both righteous and unrighteous or a mixture thereof, so it is with anxiety. 

Godly Concern

In Scripture, the word μεριμνάω is used in a positive sense when it is used to express godly concern. For instance, Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 12:25 concerning building up the Church “that the members may have the same care (μεριμνάω) for one another.” In Philippians 2:20-21, Paul writes of Timothy, saying: “For I have no one like him, who will be genuinely concerned (μεριμνάω) for your welfare. For they all seek their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.” Paul is grateful for Timothy because Timothy is “genuinely concerned” about serving with Paul in the gospel. As with Paul and Timothy, we should have concern for the souls of those perishing, for those in need, and for those struggling in this fallen world. 

In counseling, we should be “troubled with care” (μεριμνάω) or have “genuine concern” for others to the degree that we seek to point them in all of life to the One Who is all-sufficient, our Lord Jesus Christ! Our counseling is centered on Christ for many reasons, a few of which include:

 - Christ is worthy to be exalted in all of life (Colossians 3:11)

 - Christ is our salvation (Acts 4:12)

 - Christ is our only true hope (Matthew 11:28-30)

 - Christ is our living hope (1 Peter 1:3)

 - Christ is needed in all of life (John 15:5)

 - Christ is our Good Shepherd (John 10:11)

 - Christ is our sympathetic High Priest (Hebrews 4:14-15)

Christ-exaltation and Christ-likeness are to be the ambition or godly concern of those in Christ (Colossians 1:28; Ephesians 5:1-2). Therefore, a parent with a wayward child should be concerned by the actions of the child and condition of his or her heart, and out of concern (μεριμνάω) pray and seek to love the child according to the Scriptures. In the various issues of life, the counselor should have a genuine concern for others as expressed in loving them with the truth of God’s Word and pointing them to Christ (Ephesians 4:11-16; Colossians 3:16). 

As we seek God’s grace in developing a more genuine, Christ-like concern for others, we must also guard against concern or anxiety that either becomes sinful or is sinful through and through. Frequently good concerns become sin when we handle them in a wrong way. And sometimes, we are just altogether concerned or anxious about the wrong things.

Ungodly Concern

Far too often we are troubled with concern in sinful ways. While the word for concern or anxiety is used in a positive sense in the Bible (as described above), it is most often used in describing a sinful failure to fully trust in God and love Him (as we trust or love instead the pleasures of this world, the approval of others, etc.). Concern or anxiety (μεριμνάω) is sinful when God is forgotten or forsaken—when He is not seen as sufficient. 

As this relates to counseling, we can be sinfully anxious to counsel when the following concerns are not taken captive in obedience to Christ:

 - Concern that I will not know what to say. Rather than prayerfully listening to the issues at hand and seeking to understand the issues of the heart, are we not tempted to focus on our inadequacy rather than the sufficiency of God’s Word (2 Timothy 3:16-17)? A proper concern is that we would prayerfully seek to rightly understand others and relate God’s Word to them accordingly (James 1:5). 

 - Concern that I will have to spend more time studying. The reality of counseling is that it requires time, both in meeting with others and in prayerfully considering how to point them to Christ and the sufficiency of His Word. Yet rather than viewing this as a mere duty, we should pray that it would be a delight to further study God’s Word as we seek to counsel others (2 Timothy 2:15; Colossians 3:16; Psalm 119:16).

 - Concern that I do not have time for counseling. Often it is not the case that we don’t have time for counseling, but rather we have failed to make the best use of time (Ephesians 5:15-16). If we are too busy to open God’s Word with others, then we need to repent of our busyness and seek God for wisdom in how use the time He has gifted to us. Do we “lack time” because we are treasuring the temporal more than the eternal? (Matthew 6:19-21)

 - Concern that I do not have the strength to counsel. We all are called to various roles and responsibilities and each require energy (that sometimes we feel like we just don’t have). Paul’s ambition was to present everyone mature in Christ (Colossians 1:28). Can you imagine the energy required for such an impossible task? Yet listen to what Paul writes in Colossians 1:29, “For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me.” There have been many times where physically I was “done” as I entered a counseling session, yet in depending upon the Lord, I came out of those meetings joyously energized in seeing God work through this jar of clay (2 Corinthians 4:7; Philippians 4:13).

 - Concern that God’s Word will be rejected. We all struggle to some degree with people pleasing, yet along with Paul we should “make it our aim to please him” (2 Corinthians 5:9). In Galatians 1:10, Paul writes: “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Knowing we are accepted in Christ enables us to speak the truth in love to others even if that leads to them reject us.

Such anxious concerns can easily turn into sinful fear and therefore a failure to counsel or to counsel faithfully by the Word. So what is the remedy for sinful anxiety and fear in counseling? Is it not the fear of the Lord? Proverbs 1:7 says, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge.” To that end, John Flavel wrote that: “The fear of God severs us from self-confidence, and causes us to trust God with all doubtful issues and events. We must sanctify the Lord of Hosts, and make Him our fear.”

So when we are tempted to be sinfully anxious in our counseling, how do we counsel ourselves? Ultimately, we look to God who is able to replace our sinful anxiety with godly concern that moves us toward Him. Isaiah 26:3-4 says, "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.” What is the opposite of anxiety? Peace. What kind of peace does God offer? Perfect peace as we trust in Him. 

In Philippians 4:6-9 we see how to trust God (who is at hand) by replacing anxiousness with righteous activities.

(1) Replace worry with prayer and thanksgiving.

While imprisoned for Christ, Paul exhorted the believers in Philippians 4:6: “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Prayer is the antidote to anxiety. A lack of prayer leads to an increase in worry. Why is this? If we live as if everything (including the outcome of our counseling) depends upon us, we will be anxious. John Calvin, who was plagued with various trials, wrote this concerning prayer: “Confidence (in God), it is true, brings tranquility to our minds, but it is only in the event of our exercising ourselves in prayers.”¹

As we look to Christ in prayer, we should do so with thanksgiving because with His calling to counsel He has given us His Spirit (the Great Counselor who exalts Christ in guiding us and our counselees in the knowledge of the truth).

(2) Replace worry with THINKING on things that are true.

Rather than dwelling on “what ifs” as we prepare to counsel, we should dwell on “what is.” Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” All “these things” are perfectly exemplified in Christ, and so let us set our minds on Him and rest in His promises as we prepare our anxious heart to counsel others (Colossians 3:1-4; Ephesians 3:20-21).

(3) Replace anxious thoughts with righteous behavior.

In Philippians 4:9, Paul writes, “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” Through word and deed, Paul was an example of how God uses those who trust rather than worry. As we displace sinful anxiety with godly concern in our own lives, we no doubt become better counselors. 

Now, are you anxious to counsel?

Recommended Resources

Wayne & Joshua Mack, Courage: Fighting Fear with Fear (P&R, 2014).

David Powlison, Worry: Pursuing a Better Path to Peace (P&R, 2004).

Stuart Scott, Anger, Anxiety & Fear (Focus, 2009).

Stephen Yuille, Triumphing Over Sinful Fear (Reformation Heritage, 2011).

¹ John Calvin, Calvin’s Commentaries, 21, p. 119.