A Father Speaks to His Son About Sexual Immorality
A few titles of articles in my file on adultery tell the reality of what adultery is—
“Broken Lives, Shattered Dreams”
“She’s Sorry She Threw Her Marriage Away”
“Lies that Lead to an Affair”
“The Ultimate Betrayal: How Adultery Rocked Three Marriages”
“Adultery: It’s Wrong, We Say, and Yet We Stray”
Adultery makes an enticing promise that too many believe. In fact, some surveys suggest approximately 45 percent of married men and 25 percent of married women believe in the false promise enough to engage in the illicit relationship. But the “promise” is never kept and the deceptive enticement of pleasure in adultery always turns to tragedy.
The Bible also affirms the significance of understanding this temptation. Almost one-third of Proverbs chapters 1 through 9—a father’s address to his son about the important parts of life—is about sex and sexual sin. Solomon did not write about it because of his preoccupation with sexual things, but to “deliver his son from the strange woman [adulteress]” (2:16) and to “keep [him] from the evil [immoral] woman” (6:24). Chapter 7 of Proverbs is Solomon’s final exhortation to his son, told in story form as an extended illustration. In addition to the titles above, we could also call this, “The Sad, Sad Story of Lies, Deceit, and Adultery.”
There are multiple considerations in this chapter, but notice especially the “character” of the adulteress, the consequences of the adultery, and the lessons for keeping out of adultery.
The “Character” of the Adulteress: What She Says and Does (Proverbs 7:13–20)
The first thing to notice about the adulteress is that she acts without a conscience (v. 13). Her shamelessness is evidenced in her actions toward this unknown young man. Her first act is a show stopper: it was unexpected and immediately softened the young man. She boldly—“brazenly”—advances with great strength. Notably, this happens in public! It was in front of her home where others would see. She has no shame and is seemingly unconcerned about her husband discovering them by the testimony of her observant neighbors. The tragedy here is two-fold: she does not have a conscience and apparently neither does he. At the point that she evidenced her lack of shame and conscience, he should have done a “Joseph” and run (Genesis 39:12).
Next, the adulteress acts religious without being spiritual (v. 14). Perhaps at the point of her bold approach she senses pangs of conscience in him, so she immediately seeks to placate him by telling him she had to offer a peace offering. This freewill offering (Leviticus 3; 7:11–21) allowed the worshipper to keep meat that wasn’t sacrificed, but it had to be eaten immediately. So that meat often became an opportunity for a communal meal with friends. The offering was also, ironically, designed to demonstrate fellowship with God and gratitude that sin had been atoned for.
So this brazen woman was pretending faith—she was asserting that she was fulfilling some unnamed oath and also attempting to add a cloak of respectability to her heinous actions. She was essentially saying, “I am very spiritual because I’m offering worship that isn’t required, so come have a meal with me!” Her temptation was not just with sex, but also food and fellowship, and a feigned respectability. This was a huge test of the young man’s spirituality—will he blindly accept what she says? Like the foolish and deluded young man, our response to temptation reveals as much about the character of our hearts as the temptation reveals about the one(s) enticing us.
Further, the adulteress calculatingly lies about his importance (v. 15). She says, “I have come out to meet you, to seek you eagerly!” She tells him that because he’s a person of such importance, she came out to meet him. This suggests her intentionality and calculation in ensnaring this young man. He really should have known immediately that something was amiss; she is an older married woman whose husband is prominent and wealthy, and he’s just a kid! The statement “I have found you” should have made him tremble in fear, but instead his pride swelled. Her two statements fed his “I deserve this!” and “I don’t deserve what I have” thoughts. We will always be more susceptible to falling into temptation if we don’t guard our minds by evaluating the motives behind the messages of our temptations.
She also entices him with an offer of a better life (vv. 16–17). In case he was reluctant to fall for her sexual advances, she added some “bonuses”—appeals to a luxurious lifestyle. From the dining room, she proceeds to the bedroom, and for a young man who likely did not have her economic advantages, the colored Egyptian linens and enticing scents would have been tantalizing. Her offering to him is a reminder that sexual enjoyment appeals to many senses and desires, and she understands this well. There are so many allurements and attractions that can take one down the path of adultery, and she uncovers them all. We do well to be constantly vigilant to any attendant temptations that are given along with the offer of sexual indulgence. “What pleasure and desire besides the sexual pleasure is appealing to me in this temptation?” is a question that needs answering.
The adulteress also appeals to his base sexual desires (v. 18). The essence of her enticement is this: “Let’s get drunk on illicit sexuality.” She is, in fact, very blunt in her language about sexual intercourse. There is a place for such “intoxication,” but it is between a man and his wife (Proverbs 5:19). She is offering a night of pleasures that cannot and will not fulfill either of them. It’s rooted in a lie that says that contentment and joy are rooted in sexuality, which is not true because there will be no sexuality in heaven (see Matthew 22:30). We know this to be true, but too often we do not act as if we believe it.
And finally, this adulteress offers the pretense of safety and secrecy (vv. 19–20). She tells the man that her rich husband is gone and won’t be back for long enough that they can freely indulge themselves. She assures him that they are safe and won’t get caught. Her lie is that there is no problem with what they are doing, as long as they don’t get caught.
The Ending: Fear the Consequence of Adultery (Proverbs 7:21–23)
There is tragic irony in her words and actions. Her “many persuasions” (v. 21) is the same root for “sound teaching” in Proverbs 4:2. If this young man had acquired sound teaching offered by his father (7:1–5), he wouldn’t have listened to her perversions. Instead, “suddenly he follows her.” The departure is immediate and made with no hesitation. Like an undiscerning animal, he gives up his life, either in death (by slaughter or hunt), or bondage. His momentary indulgence has cost him his life (Proverbs 2:18–19; 5:5–6; 6:26). The warning for us is that for a moment of passion, consequences are ignored, minimized, or dismissed. Yet those consequences are inevitably catastrophic. His lack of attention to the end of the adultery has cost him everything he values.
The Lesson: Be Resolute Against Adultery in All Its Forms (Proverbs 7:24–27)
The wise father encourages his sons in verses 24–25a to guard their minds. Notice that the one son in verse 1 has become multiple sons by the end of the chapter—perhaps they were intrigued by the conversation they overheard from their father. This is a reaffirmation of verses one through five. Truth is given to sanctify God’s people and give them fullness of life on earth. Adultery reveals the presence of deeper sin—that of dissatisfaction with and a distrust of God and ends with spiritual disaster and death.
Solomon also counsels his sons to continue in what they had been taught—to not stray from the teaching—no matter what they hear to the contrary (v. 25b). Scripture frequently reminds us to remember and do (obey) the truth we know (see 2 Peter 1:12–13; 3:1–2).
The father’s sons were also to remember those who have previously been ruined (v. 26). Samson, David, and even Solomon (and far too many more) are all cautionary tales that should be remembered (see 1 Corinthians 10:11).
Finally, this wise father says to recognize sin for what it is (v. 27). He says “Her house is the way to Sheol.” Sheol symbolizes death in general, but it can also refer to the afterlife, either in judgment or blessing. Here the sense is likely physical death. Solomon is telling his boys, “Avoid adultery. It will kill you.” His reminder to them is an admonition to us—an antidote to the temptation to commit adultery is to remember its great consequence. It will kill you.
Longman offers a helpful summation to this section when he says,
[Solomon] does not say: “Son, don’t have sex with the strange woman because God tell you not to do it.” Rather, his argument is, “Son, don’t have sex with the strange woman because you will ruin your life and perhaps end it, and here is a story to illustrate what I am telling you.”
The headlines from today echo the headline from Proverbs 7. Adultery kills. Beware of your own responses and the motives of your heart when temptations for sexual indulgence arise. Illicit sex never has a good end. And help your counselees to also recognize the danger of “The Sad, Sad Story of Lies, Deceit, and Adultery.”